Cloaking Device

The Romulans have their cloaking device for their warships, developed in the 23rd century (around stardate 1709.21). Wasn’t that a shock when the United Federation of Planets learned about that neat, little trick. To make matters worse, the Romulans got chummy with the Klingons just long enough to trade their cloaking device technical specifications for some D7-class battle cruisers.

Romulans and Klingons 1, United Federation of Planets 0.

There has been enough time travel in the Star Trek universe that the date for the earliest use of a cloaking device gets a little muddy. It may or may not have been in 1986 in the San Francisco area, when a pair of humpback whales were relocated in time by the Enterprise crew in a stolen Klingon Bird of Prey. (Saving the world, yet again.)

Time travel being fraught with circular motions and questions of “What came first: the chicken, or the (chicken) egg brought back in time by who knows who and who knows when?” It’s no wonder that we are a little confused.

In any case, 21st century scientists decided not to wait for Romulan technology (the 23rd century seems so far away, doesn’t it?) and started experimenting with their own stealth technology to cause objects to be invisible to parts of the electromagnetic spectrum. It’s rumored that the British Army has already tested an invisible tank. Notice I said it was a rumor, not a secret. Note to self: If I see a pair of deep, parallel indents being invisibly created looking like something nothing is going from Point A to Point B, do not just stand there; run in the opposite direction!

Just imagine the potential disastrous results of someone with Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, taking a nap in the San Francisco park and a cloaked Klingon warship lands there or the British decide to invade again with their invisible tanks. Yikes! Note to self: Remove invisibility cloak before nodding off to sleep.

Corner without a city bus

Smooth Sailing

But not so fast. Romulans, Klingons, British Army, Harry Potter, stealth technology scientists, I name you amateurs. Yes, amateurs in the face of the true rulers of cloaking devices: city buses.

Oh, yes, I have named those that should not be named. In all the world, in every village, township, city, metropolis with public transportation, the city buses have perfected the art and science of disappearance and appearance.

An uncloaked city bus

An uncloaked city bus

Unsuspecting car drivers are waiting at a red traffic light, thinking that for once, it will be smooth sailing on their drive to work.

They look away for a second — only a second! — maybe at a cute squirrel on a tree limb and then POOF! A city bus now is idling where before there was none.

White city bus

White city bus

They are everywhere! Big buses, small buses, white buses, blue buses! And the later you are in your commute, the more buses that appear! On a rare occasion, I will feel a change in the air and can see a slight shimmer out of the corner of my eye. When next I blink, there is a bus in front of me, yet again.

Blue city bus

Blue city bus

And if I think having a bus appear out of nowhere in front of me is unnerving, I am more than startled to discover one decloaking right behind me.

City bus behind


Uh-oh, now I’m boxed in. Maybe I need a cloaking device of my own?

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