Lipogram, Revisited

I first posted this entry on January 21,2011 on my old blog. For some reason I recently started thinking of writing another lipogram, this time maybe without the letter “s.” I’ll let you know when I’ve finished.
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A lipogram (not to be confused with liposuction) is a written piece that omits a certain letter or groups of letters on purpose.

One of the most famous examples is Gadsby (1939) by Ernest Vincent Wright. There is no letter “e” in this 50,000+ word novel. Georges Perec, from France, inspired by Mr. Wright, wrote La Disparition (1969). There is no “e” in the French version or the English translation. Mr. Perec also wrote Les Reverentes (1972) where “e” is the only vowel used.

Not too long ago, Plinky used this premise as a writing prompt. Our goal was a 100-word story without using an “e” anywhere. Here, then, is my “no e” story. Writing it wasn’t too hard. Getting it to flow well, that wasn’t so easy.

An illicit party, by and for dogs

Our living room had muddy paw prints on window sills, dog drool on all candy bowls and half-full cans of soda. It was just a big party trash can. Without human limitations, our two young Labradors, Dusty and Abby, had found a calling in organizing illicit galas for local animal individuals. How many dogs, now sporting an alias, had sat in our doorway as lookouts, to warn said party of our coming back?

Dusty had brought all my socks into our living room for a tug-of-war sporting affair, making him a star in a unanimous opinion of his dog buds. Cops driving by thought such loud barking was abnormal. By calling us back from our out-of-town trip, any additional partying was put on hold.

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Chili Soup, Update

I originally posted this entry on June 6, 2011 on my old blog. My update is at the bottom.
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Lately I’ve been in a soup mood. It has nothing to do with the outside temperature (hovering around 100 degrees everyday), but how easy it is to make soup.

How easy it is to make soup, usually.

Lately, soup recipes have been giving me trouble. One is a Black Bean Chili recipe I got from my friend, S. She has made it for years, she said, and it is one of her favorites. It is vegan and it looked easy enough, so I decided to make it.

First time I made the Black Bean Chili recipe, I could have renamed it 5-Alarm Chili. My mouth was on fire and my eyes were watering. What had I done wrong? I checked the recipe and nothing seemed to be out of kilter with what I had put together. Well, not-out-of-kilter or not, there was no way I could eat that without cutting the heat. I ended up adding about five cups of water and three baked potatoes. This downgraded it to 3-alarm chili soup and I could eat it with only mild sweating.

The second time I made it, it was a déjà vu experience. Smoke was practically coming out of my ears. I verified my ingredients against the email S. sent me. What could explain this result? I then checked the online magazine where S. had found the recipe. Did I mention that jalapenos and cayenne pepper are two of the chili’s ingredients? I used two jalapenos, just as the recipe called for. But I was also using one teaspoon — one full teaspoon — of cayenne pepper, as S.’s email listed, but the online recipe called for only 1/8th of a teaspoon. Eight times the desired amount of cayenne pepper may possibly, sort of, probably, might, could, should explain the spiciness of the chili.

That’s what I thought until I made it yet a fourth time with only 1/8th of a teaspoon of cayenne pepper. It was still 5-alarm chili. I have no idea what my issue is with this recipe. But I like it well enough to continue to make it and so I have adapted: I always have two or three potatoes ready to be nuked in the microwave and added in, to cut the heat. The original water amount is 3/4 of a cup, but each time I made it, I ended up with about 5 cups of water and now that’s the way I like it. So for me, it’s 3-Alarm Black Bean Chili Soup. That’s as good as it is going to get.

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Update: I’m still working on making this soup mild enough that smoke doesn’t come out of my ears when I eat it. So far, I am unsuccessful in that effort. This last time I left out the cayenne pepper altogether. I put in the two Russet potatoes to help bring down the alarm level. It still didn’t work. I think that when I take the soup container out of the fridge, I won’t even have to heat it up; it still makes me sweat.

Coffee-Flavored Water, Update

I posted the original entry on February 12, 2011. I have added my update at the bottom.
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Coffee-flavored water. That’s what I get from the break room sometimes.

There are four carafes and one professional coffee maker machine (office capacity). One carafe has an orange top for the decaffinated coffee. One has a black top and two have brown tops. I want the (hot) water to always be in the black top carafe. To my thinking, if water is the only substance ever in this carafe, it will have a better chance of not tasting like coffee. That leaves the two with brown tops to always have caffinated coffee. A place for everything and everything in its place.

Commonly, whoever takes the carafes off of the coffee maker in the afternoon sits them on the counter without rinsing them out. Occasionally they will already have coffee baked into the bottom because some coffee drinkers put them back on the warmers when they are mostly empty. What little coffee is in the carafe evaporates and leaves a film of coffee in the bottom.

The next morning arrives, and the people who come in early to make coffee try their best to get the baked-in coffee out of the carafes. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. The coffee drinkers can’t tell the difference (probably) because coffee tastes like coffee. But using a carafe with baked-in coffee for water makes the water taste like coffee. And I don’t want coffee-flavored water for my tea. I’ll go out on a limb here and guess that people who get hot water for their oatmeal have the same aversion to coffee-flavored water.

And that brings us back to the idea of always having the black carafe for water. If water is the only liquid in that black-topped carafe day after day, then no coffee can be left in it overnight and we have a good chance of the water that goes through the coffee machine for heating purposes to come out tasting like water.

You know that saying that goes something like “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change how you think about it?” Well, this is something I could change, so I did. I’m an early arriver to the office, so now I go into the break room, rinse out all the carafes to my liking and make hot water, one carafe of decaffinated coffee and one carafe of caffinated coffee.

Voilà! Water that tastes like water!

But unless I stand guard at the coffee maker, it’s not a foolproof plan. Yesterday I went back into the breakroom to get some water about mid-morning. Bleck! It tasted like coffee. What happened? Someone who made a subsequent carafe of hot water must have thrown out the coffee grinds from the filter holder and put it back in without rinsing it. Voilà! Coffee-flavored water. Again.

(Postaday2011 #43)

Update: The coffee service people came to give our coffee machine a check up. They noticed that our carafes were the “old style.” They took away all the brown-tipped carafes and replaced them with black-tipped ones. Now I can’t tell which carafe is which, as we only have the orange one for decaffeinated coffee and three black carafes. The frequency of my getting coffee-flavored water has increased noticeably. Rats. Guess I’ll have to find stronger tasting tea.

Who’s Laughing At Me?

For my second time at the veloway, I forgot my fanny pack.  What, then, to do with my “valuables” as I ride my mountain bike.  I decided to leave them in the car.  Just as I was entering the track, I saw the sign about vehicles being broken into, advising people not to leave valuables in the car.  Okay, then, a change of plans.  I was wearing regular shorts, with pockets.  So I load up my pockets with my keys, wallet, and phone.  I take the phone so I can call the police if my vehicle gets broken into, as warned. 

It doesn’t take long for the contents to weigh my pockets down.  With each stride on the bike, they droop below the hem line, swinging like basset hound ears; left, right, left, right.  I see the roadrunner, near the “Snake Crossing” sign.  He turns his head as I pass; I’m pretty sure he’s giggling at my droopy hound-ear pockets. 

Nevertheless, I continue.  A bit farther down the track, I hear a peacock; he croons as I and my pockets swish by.  I have to reach down and pull up my shorts a bit, as the weight of my pocket items is pulling them down.  The peacock croons again; I think he’s agreeing with the roadrunner that my drooping pockets are amusing.  He’s laughing out loud, holding nothing back. 

Okay, so I won’t make the list of best-dressed bikers.  Cheap entertainment for the wildlife, though, and how many people can make that claim?

This is a rerun, originally posted May 31, 2008 on my old It’s a long story blog.

Biking at the Veloway

Thank goodness Austin has the Veloway, a 3-mile loop for riding bikes and roller skating.  I stop there after work, with my mountain bike.  

For my first time, I remember to bring everything I need:  bike, helmet, fanny pack, water, sunglasses, and off I go.  Not bad, not bad; it’s certainly cooler to ride than it is to jog, so that’s a plus.  I experiment with changing the gears; much easier than on my 10-speed from 30 years ago. 

One sign on the loop really gets my attention:  “Caution:  Snake Crossing“.  I don’t see any, but I make sure not to slow down in that area.  I saw a roadrunner a bit farther down and wondered if he hung around the sign, taking care of any snakes that tried to cross.  

I see the sign for the incline.  I look behind me to see if anyone is around that can see me.  It’s all clear, so I make my run for it.  I manage to reach the top without stopping and getting off my bike, but it wasn’t easy.  The second time around, I wasn’t as successful.  I was using different gears, still trying to figure them out and couldn’t adjust them properly in time.  I had to walk up part of the small incline. 

Other bikers are starting to pass me.  One man rides past, without using his hands.  And he’s not the only one experienced enough to do that.  One woman rides by, and I swear she’s knitting, or maybe crocheting.  I consider increasing my speed to try to catch up to her, maybe reach out for her yarn to unravel it, but it turns out I am already at my top speed and she is out of sight even as I think this. 

Two laps is enough for me on my first visit.  I check my time and notice that my biking speed is slower than the top runners for 5-Ks and the like.  Oh well, we can’t all be Lance

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This is a rerun, originally posted May 30, 2008 on my old It’s a long story blog.