When I travel on day trips around the central Texas area, I like to find a local restaurant for lunch. National chains are just not on my to-do list when I am a tourist.

Then I started watching Restaurant: Impossible and Kitchen Nightmares.

Those people are scaring me: dirty kitchens, clueless owners, slovenly staff, food that can hardly be called food. I wonder when was the last time a health inspector visited any of those restaurants and how many are inspected after their shows air, considering the problems have been pointed out on national TV.

As far as I can tell, none of the restaurant owners who contact the Food Network or Fox TV for help from Chefs Robert or Gordon have ever watched either show. If they did, they would have cleaned up their act in a few areas all on their own: clean the restaurant, repair the appropriate items, use only fresh ingredients, supervise their staff and, most importantly, taste their own food.

Heck, I can give them that advice for free. (Failing restaurant owners: See above paragraph.) What they get from the show that I can’t provide: chef-developed recipes and professional interior designer time and expertise.

Saturday I found out just how much the shows have affected me. I drove to Georgetown (Texas) with a friend to spend the afternoon fabric shopping and in and out of the tourist shops on the town square. (I love town squares.) We ate lunch at the Monument Cafe.

Banana pudding display at the Monument Cafe

When we were seated, I started looking around and commenting on the environment. Clean, well-lit with a concrete floor (easy to clean), staff dressed appropriately and bringing out the dishes without inserting their thumbs into the food.

Really? When did I become a restaurant critic? That’s what those TV shows have done to me. I’m no longer just an average customer. Now I pay attention from the get-go.

Everything at the Monument Cafe was excellent, by the way, starting out with the fresh strawberry lemonade, munching through the portabella burger (with their home made potato chips) to the chocolate cake, served by Bianca with a smile. And the Monument Market, next door to the cafe, was wonderfully full of fresh vegetables, oils, soaps and other good stuff. The Monument Cafe restored my faith in local restaurants.

Only a few of the veggies at the Monument Market

I’m either going to have to stop watching those restaurant shows or become a health inspector. Hey, maybe I could become a restaurant consultant and charge for the advice that I’ve learned from Chefs Robert and Gordon. Nah, too scary.