I must the only human being on the planet to gain weight while exercising.

When I can, I go for a walk on weekend mornings. I weigh before walking. On occasion, I weigh myself again after walking.

Somehow my birthday suit weighs more after an hour’s walk than before. I step off the scale and back on, giving it a chance to reconsider. I wonder if my scale is related to my GPS, Missy, who loves to tell me that she is recalculating.

As an aside, Missy isn’t as smart as she presents herself to be. She can’t find my house, for instance. She doesn’t show any roads south of FM 1327 in Creedmoor. I suspect she thinks the world is flat and that I will fall off when I turn south. I turn south anyway and manage to arrive home without her help.

However, my scale does not “recalculate.” Even after my stepping off and back on, it doesn’t change its mind about the number it presents. Pfft!

I didn’t drink or eat anything since I weighed before my walk. How is it that the scale result is higher? I don’t know, but there it is. The only thing I can figure out is that all those water-laden molecules I inhaled during my walk infiltrated my bloodstream and expanded. (Remember, water weighs 8.34 pounds per gallon and it’s very humid in central Texas. Very humid.)

When I go in for my annual checkup and my doctor mentions my weight gain, I’m going to tell her the truth: It’s not me, it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity. PFFT!!